I lost the words

Originally posted 2019-06-21 17:37:19.

Do you know how hard it is to grieve with someone around you watching you every second of the day?

I know I will miss this one day when he’s gone but I feel like I can’t do what I need to do for me in order to “protect him”

Today in 2018 my mother lost her fight. She when down quick but not without fight.

Things lay on my mind that I want to say but don’t know how when or where to say them.

All that I thought was I guess a lie. ..

Or so it seems. I can’t bring myself to go to the home my mother loved, because of him.

I have anger inside of me that needs to be dealt with but I am at a loss as to how my mother would want me to handle this.

I can’t… I just want my mother’s stuff. But don’t know how to get it. Stuff I know he’s not going to want or use. Stuff that my momma had a long time. Stuff my momma got from her momma and her daddy.

I know I have her urn and I pray to God her soul is at peace. I can’t get myself to even take half of mom’s ashes to him.

He hurt me… I feel like he disrespected my momma, her house.

Ughh.. someone please. I trying to handle this and don’t know how.

I love you momma and miss you more than you know.

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