Am I just grieving?

A few nights ago I had a weird dream.

For some reason I dreamt that my mother was murdered.

I am not sure if it was because I had been watching some of those shows where they talk about someone was murdered and they were trying to resolve it years later or not.

In my dream I went to my mothers house. I will add that I have not been to my mothers house since she passed away.

I honestly cannot get myself to go.

I feel like in some ways that if I go and see that she isn’t there then I know for sure she isn’t coming back.

Is this normal in the grieving process?

I know I need to just go but I can’t get myself to do it.

Anyway… in my dream we went. There was someone else that had put a home on the property.

They also put one of those small neighborhood Walmarts but it was like only the optical and tire center.

They didn’t have anything else other than those services.

Very weird I admit.

Then we had a friend that had a private plane and the pilot took me and my husband to a place that was like a rocky quarry and at night certain parts of the quarry had a beautiful spot that illuminated under the moonlight.

There was water in certain holes and the earth under it kind of glowed at night.

I wanted to go there to see it at night, in the plane, to talk to my momma.

In my dram whoever killed her was in jail but I don’t know who it was.

It was really weird.

You know some say there are meanings behind your dreams so I am definitely curiously what they would say about this dream.

It’s funny because I remember the dream clearly.

I can clearly visualize the rock quarry.

It was beautiful.

I was just sitting there in the plane, looking out out of the window talking to her.

I felt like the higher we were maybe the reception talking to my momma was clearer, lol.

Who knows lol.

Even days later I sit here and think about the dream.

Why on earth I dreamt that she was murdered I don’t know.

The cancer and her kidneys is what took her out.

I ordered an official death certificate last year which it had said I’d get it around March of this year but I just got it like a week ago.

I had all the testing to see if there was any link to all the cancer both my grandmothers and my mom had.

But I wanted to see what the medical examiner had put on her death certificate as her cause of death.

The only thing that was on there was the cancer.

I am not sure why they didn’t note anything regarding her kidneys since that was clearly the smoking gun.

Granted the cancer was definitely there and more than likely would have tried to take her out.

I don’t know if I am searching for something deep down or this is just part of my grieving.

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