Side Effects

Originally posted 2015-01-22 17:09:08.

Side Effects. The two words can have a lot of meanings to everyone. They take own different meanings depending on the subject. There are side effects of medications, abuse, rape, discipline, so on and so forth. Let’s face it …everything has a side effect.
The side effects I am referring to in this post are those most common when we hear the term side effects. With the exception of side effects from surgeries. I have a delicate balancing act that I go through on a daily basis. I have constant, continuously, annoying, pain from the spine on down. I deal with it the best way I know how, medication. I honestly wish there were other ways of dealing with the pain other than just popping a pill all the time. But because one of my surgeries left me in a state of no repair that’s pretty much all I am left with. I can pray all day long but it just doesn’t take it away. I really wish there was a way to fix it and not have to deal with the side effects of taking pain medications.
I have to deal with the side effects of the surgeries themselves and then deal with the side effects of the medications that I take to deal with the pain from the surgeries. It is a vicious cycle anyway you look at it. The spinal fusion in essence left me with irreversible damage. For certain reasons I can’t go into the details of that so I will move on. Nonetheless, I have to take pain medications to survive my own existence. On one hand, the pain lets me know I am still alive, walking, feeling, breathing but that doesn’t make it any easier. I have to balance the medications with my daily life because I have to go to doctors appointments, take Dusty to doctors appointments, run errands, and well just things you do when you are responsible for someone and their well-being. I had someone years ago question my ability to take care of my children. They thought I lacked the ability to effectively take care of them and what is in their best interest. Just like everything else that was a speed bump I had to roll over and deal with. I called their bluff as I have many times over because I have ability to take care of my children. Even though now Kayla is in college and I just have Dusty here but I still have what is in his best interest.
Despite what some people think of people who “live” on medications, it becomes one of those things you just have to do to be able to deal with the things life throws at you. The pain medications don’t completely eliminate the pain it is just enough to take the edge off to be able to do what I have to do. I have to remain alert enough to monitor Dusty and his seizure activity and well him in general. There are days when he will just walk outside without asking or letting anyone know what he is going to do. I can’t really “lock” the house down like a fort just to make sure he doesn’t go anywhere.
OK ok..back to the title of the page. So since I regularly take pain medications they have their side effects. The spinal fusion in itself had side effects. Hell, every surgery, every medication I have ever had all had their own individual side effects. You have the side effects and you can either deal with the side effects or you need to take something else just to counter the side effects. Well I am sort of in the having to take something to counter the side effects phase. I can’t do anything about the side effect of the spinal fusion at this point so with that said I have to just take it as it is thrown at me. I have to take more than I really would like of supplements, vitamins, etc to counter some of the side effects from the surgeries and the pain medications. I feel like I take more of the things to counter the side effects than I do to just get rid of my pain, at times.
Even from some of the other surgeries I have had to endure I feel like I should be a stockholder in a juice company considering the amount of it I buy to help ward of one of the side effects of at least one of my surgeries.
There are so many things in life we go through we just don’t realize the side effects of whatever we are doing. Are the side effects healthy? Damaging our bodies? Damaging our minds or effectively furthering our existence? We never fully know what it is doing or what we will be left with in the long run. But you just have to deal with what you are currently going through and why you are either taking a certain medication, activity or whatever the case may be just to keep going.
Dusty has to take seizure medications. There is no other way around that one right now. I trust my sons neurologist and his opinion. I have had two neurologists in his lifetime that I fully trust. One that diagnosed him and even her first thought of a diagnosis was incorrect it seemed to intrigue her enough to investigate more. But she admitted her mistakes and thankfully that mistake wasn’t detrimental. The side effects of the seizure medications left a need for something to just counter those side effects in order for him to be able to just relax.

I have had people ask me had we ever thought of using something else other than those seizure medications. I have thought about it many times over but am left not sure where to turn because of the risks associated with it. We have so many things in our lives that have limited ceilings and we have to just deal with it sometimes. Believe me I want what is best for my son so don’t thing because I haven’t tried some of those things I don’t have his best interest at heart. Sometimes those things aren’t the answer. Sometimes you are left with the side effects of just the paths we take in life to get where we want to go at the time. As teens and just youth in general I think for the most part a lot of us wanted to grow up and be able to do what we wanted to do without having our parents over our head all the time. Well the side effect of growing up is well….Life, bills, and not having the parental umbrella protection 24/7. We as adults sometimes wish we could go back and just be a kid again. Not to worry about bills and everything that comes with growing up and dealing with the side effects of adulthood.

I can tell you one thing. There isn’t a magic pill, drink, or solution to dealing with side effects and well you just have to somehow maintain. Like I said it all leaves me walking an invisible tight rope just dealing with my own existence and inability, not to mention being responsible for someone else’s existence. No I can’t breath for my children but as their parent I can teach them the best way I know how to make sure they are able to get the full benefits of each breath they take in life.


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