Secrets and my fear

Originally posted 2015-01-20 13:16:42.

That word can be both negative and positive when it is in our lives. For me it means the struggle of the things I have seen and can’t speak on out of the fear of the parties involved coming after me and my kids. I struggle with it daily. I have this part of me that says I if I say something about the secret I am referring to I may help release some of the fear I feel. But then the other side of me says don’t do it because I will may have to look over my shoulder the rest of my life. I honestly would love to rid myself of at least one piece involved that is a constant reminder of the said events. Simple, piece of material can haunt you. This piece also holds a bit of sentimental value as well. But I will admit over the years that value has shifted to the side of “get rid of it”.
I want nothing more than to not have to worry about this item being a vivid reminder of the event and one day be able to just relax without having that on my mind. I will say …It is just my couch. Ever had that one item that you needed to get rid of and at the same token you were afraid to do? Yeah…that’s the couch for me. Some of you are probably like, What?!
Yep, my couch. I desperately would love to rid my brain of this reminder every time I walk into the room. I will avoid one seat in particular. I will cover my couch up with blankets or whatever I can get to fit it so that I see the blanket not the couch. I want nothing more than to take this couch and throw it into a fire pit or incinerator that just melts like anything in the path of flowing lava.
One of these days…I will just be able to let it go without fear. Until then, the secrets remain.

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