Originally posted 2015-01-12 21:38:53.
Raising children can be one of the harder things parents have to do in their lives. As we all know there isn’t that perfect manual for us to guide us through the challenges that parenting presents. For me, since I have a “normal” one and a special needs one I had to throw out any previous ideas I had on how to do things. Not dramatically different but in a lot of ways the norm just doesn’t fit. I have found that you have to find the method that best works rather than using the same mass marketed versions.
I have read so many posts, articles, etc where people are saying this is the best way to do this or that in raising your children.
See, I have a problem with going along with everybody else, if we did it like everyone else then no one would be different. I see people say you don’t need to use “violence” (spanking, whooping, etc) to raise your children. No, I agree not every child needs it. There are some that do better with talking to them like they are your friends versus your children…but then when you do that some tend not to respect you on the level of a parent and think they can and should do the same things you are able or allowed to do. Not saying that spanking or whooping that child would do the trick but there is obviously something that needs to take place to change the course of things. There are some children that just need more discipline than others.
Now for my children..well, they have both been on different ends of the discipline spectrum. I have read or heard people say that special needs persons lack the ability to do so many things one of which is manipulate someone for one reason or another. There are times when Dusty will be told to do something and then told again and he literally just stands there looking at you like I am not budging. He did it earlier today. He was told to wipe the chair off and didn’t do it, then told again and he just stood there in straight defiance. It absolutely blows my mind why people think some lack the ability to think or process this a certain way. You can’t put a general label on them and think all lack the same thing. I realize they are a different set of individuals but just because they have special needs doesn’t mean they all have the same need. Just like everyone we all have different things about us that make us different from the rest. Rather than looking at it as a loss that’s where I think that difference needs to be more of a positive than a negative.
Then again, this is my opinion and that will not be the same for the next person. We get so used to seeing things in one set of lenses that you don’t notice the view has changed. Some can embrace the sudden change instead of change overtime. So with that said we don’t see that the needs of our children have changed too. We will always see our children as our ”babies” no matter their age but sometimes our minds haven’t grown like they have in age. Dusty is a different set of it all together. He is chronologically one age and his mind another. Then you add-on the fact that certain aspects of his mind, his ability to process things, problems, is not the same either. He can sometimes act like a normal teenager then turn around and act like a 9-year-old. This makes it a lot harder than just having someone who for the most part is the same age chronologically to developmentally. Those so-called manuals or how-to books get tossed our like yesterdays trash because it just doesn’t fit.
I have had to take parenting classes and in this class the book they were taking their cues out of was written/ published in the late 70’s. Fast forward 30+ years and your manual needs to be revised to fit the time. We don’t have the same challenges we did then. The threat of predators on social networks weren’t relevant then like they are now. You can’t put in place a set of rules and then not revise them when life presents new challenges and opportunities. In some ways, I feel I shielded too much my child and in others I didn’t shield enough. That didn’t work for both children. They both had the basics of what they could and couldn’t do. But when you start addressing the different things coming into view you start to learn that you need to revise my own mind to better safeguard your children.
It’s sort of like this. I was reading comments on a post in a social media group. They spoke on the subject of pornography. Someone brought up their own beliefs and morals when it came to porn and then the next person stated, “Show me the word porn in the bible” I just had to laugh because I honestly couldn’t believe someone would actually think the word porn would be in the bible.
I still laugh to this day when I think about it. No, I am not a deeply religious person but like everyone we all have our own beliefs or set of morals that we see to guide us through our lives.
My husband grew up in a different household than I did and with that came a different religion. Even with those differences we have a similar backdrop from what we draw upon when it comes to dealing with children. No matter the backdrop I feel we all have the choice of making your life your own. Just because you grew up in the ghetto doesn’t meant you have to be a product of your surroundings. We have to take responsibility for our own actions and take action for the changes you want made to your future.
Just because my bio father is a millionaire doesn’t mean I am rolling in the dough too. That philosophy didn’t work when I applied for financial aid to pay for college so many years ago. They saw his income but didn’t take into account his willingness to help his daughter. So, they denied my application. Now that my daughter is going to college those same applications were done. This time they were denied but because we didn’t have the millions.
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
Stay smiling my friends, no matter the troubles you face always put a smile on your face!