A few days ago I had what I thought was just a follow-up appointment to discuss how a new medication was working for my bladder issues.

After being called back they put me in a room to have a transvaginal ultrasound done.

I didn’t recall needing to have this done but I wasn’t necessarily opposed to it because of my history of ovarian cysts.

So… got the ultrasound done and then put in another room for the results and then the follow-up for the bladders issues.

Doc comes in we start talking and her telling me they found a couple of cysts… which wasn’t really concerning to me because I have had them so many times that I was like “oh ok”.

But then she said they found a mass on one of my ovaries.

That made me pause.

Then I started asking if it was possible for my iron issues bottoming out.

She said it could have been but there is no way she could say it with certainty.

Of course ovarian cancer was a concern but without removing the mass and testing it there is no way of knowing for sure if it is.

We spoke about removing it and I was kind of fumbling my words because I just didn’t know what to do.

I couldn’t get in touch with James because his signal at work lately has been absolute shit.

Then I couldn’t get in touch with my bff because she had to drive for a field trip that day so she couldn’t talk either.

I told the doc I had an appointment at the hematologist/oncologist in March but I wasn’t sure if it was the beginning or end or somewhere in between.

So we said ok prior to that appointment we would do another transvaginal ultrasound to see if the mass had grown at all.

That way I would have the results to that to take to the hematology/oncology appointment.

I needed to know when the appointment was so I needed to call them back as soon as I got home to tell them when the appointment was to schedule the ultrasound.

On the way home my thoughts got the best of me and I just kept thinking and thinking.

I ended up calling the hematology/oncology team and tried to explain what was going on and wondered if this could be the reason for my iron bottoming out.

They told me they would get the ultrasound results and we would go from there.

Like damn it!

In some weird-ish way I was hoping this was the reason for my iron issues so there would be an answer but on the flip side of that if it is ovarian that wouldn’t be good considering how detrimental ovarian is.

Depending on the stage of it of course.

If caught early getting it out is a must.

I just don’t know and time isn’t a thing you would want let pass.

My thoughts everyday have gotten the best of me.

Trying not to worry is extremely hard.

I sit here and think about my son and needing to make sure if something did happen he would need to be ok.

I would want to make sure that my husband had complete control of every aspect of Dusty’s life.

That he would be guardian and would have no issues where he is concerned.

When I first did his guardianship my husband was deployed so he couldn’t sign anything nor was able to be in court for anything.

I just need to see a lawyer and ask at this point.

Trying to keep myself busy and not try not to think about it is the hardest part.

I have a vendor event this weekend and doing a Pure Romance party this coming week so hopefully these will keep my thoughts occupied as much as possible.

I’m just praying no matter what comes of this that it will all be ok because my daughter just told us she is pregnant with another grandbaby and it is a girl.

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