How can I?

Originally posted 2019-07-19 19:59:13.

It’s been a little over a year since my momma’s passing. I haven’t been back to my momma’s house since.

I have kept this in and I need to let it out. It is literally killing me.

My life is spent living it day by day, minute by minute. Living my life one breath at a time waiting for the next big thing.

First my bio father, then my mom. But…I also lost another, but that person isn’t dead.

I know everyone grieves in their own way but this …this just isn’t sitting with me right.

I am trying to remain respectful best I can since said person doesn’t know I am writing this. Yet, I don’t know what to do. I spoke my piece but that wasn’t enough.

My momma passes and they moved on, quickly. After 30 plus years with someone how? How do you do that and expect the only living child of the woman you were married to is here. I can’t take my momma’s ashes to her house to spread them in the garden where her calla lilies grow. For her ashes to be amongst the wildlife that freaking roams through.

She loved watching them roam through. But knowing someone else has so easily made that house a home bothers me to the core. I have barely spoken to said person since then.

They got rid of my momma’s clothes without even bothering to ask me if I wanted any of it.

I mean what the fuck dude??!!!

That was my momma. How the fuck can you just remove them like they were nothing. Granted I know that it was jist clothing but damn.

I sit here in tears typing this as I just want this to end.

I just want the rest of my momma’s things. She had things that belonged to my grandmother, her mom, her father. I feel like I should be given those things.

I don’t know this chick in my momma’s house. How do I know she won’t just toss my mom’s things out with no regard to anyone else’s feelings.

Ughhh HELP!!!!

I can’t grieve my momma for the anger in me. My momma wouldn’t want that but I just can’t let this go. I am all that remains. My brother is gone and it’s just me!

God this hurt like hell!


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