Originally posted 2020-08-09 09:42:05.
These past few days have hit me like a ton of bricks.
It’s like my momma died all over again.
I want to be with her so bad to the point that I even wrote a will.
I need her. I need to talk to her.
I woke up yesterday morning with someone in my ear telling me to play them some music.
Could it have been my brother since it was his birthday?
He would have been 51 years old, hard to believe.
My heart hurts something terrible. I took some ativan and just slept my day away.
That feeling is still there and I don’t know what to do.
Tears hit the keys with each stroke.
I so need to at the very least speak to my momma, just to call her and hear her voice but I can’t.
Something changed the past couple of days and I don’t know how to explain it.
All I can think about is the pain of needing to see her, to hear her, to touch her.
What do I do now? I know I have my son, who counts on me.
I know my daughter is grown and but is about to have a baby of her own and want to be apart of my first grandchild’s life. I hear a but in this sentence but I don’t know what’s on the other side of it.
What shadow lays upon the street behind me. Will it follow me or am I going in the wrong direction.
I took a sample container of paint to change the color of the walls in here to maybe change the mood of the house. It hasn’t done anything to it yet. Maybe it’s more change my mood… I don’t know.
I just need to talk to my momma….