Chronic Living

Originally posted 2022-02-24 09:00:45.

Living with someone with Chronic Pain/Illness.

Everyday is a struggle.

You have to sit back and witness the person you love in pain, often with no solution, no answers, and no end in sight. It’s never ending doctor’s appointments. It’s watching them lose everything, including their hobbies, their happiness, and their joy. It’s waking up in pain, not knowing if it’s going to ease or get worse. It’s having to get out of bed while your body is telling you not to move. It’s managing, or at least trying to figure out how to manage, just making it through the day and work so bills can get paid, both your typical bills as well as the medical ones. It’s truly suffering in every aspect of the word.

Chronic illness is a pain no one can understand unless you are the one experiencing it.

But let’s talk about their loved ones. You really don’t understand how difficult it is to live with and be in a relationship with someone suffering from chronic pain or a chronic illness unless you are. We ourselves are not experiencing the pain and illness, but we are still suffering from it. While watching the person we love experience these things is torture in and of itself, losing all the things you all used to do together and all the little things they did that were special is horrible.
Due to his daily pain, our relationship is far from normal, in major ways, but also in the smallest ways. I can no longer randomly jump on his back for a piggy back ride, cuddle with him, “five star” his belly, give him a tight hug, dance with him, and a long list of other things. We don’t go out often, we can’t get far from home, we can’t do anything physically demanding (such as hiking, going for walks, etc), and he sleeps often due to feeling bad. Because of all this, I pull more than 50% daily to help make his life easier. I try to work harder and more often so he doesn’t have to stress if he has to miss work. The list of ways it affects our life can go on forever, but the best word to sum it up is overwhelming. I find myself worrying, exhausted, stressed, anxious, emotional, and sometimes hopeless and these feelings occasionally alter my mood and behaviors. I get short tempered and angry, and then I get mad at myself for being short and angry. The last thing I would ever want to do is make his life harder, yet here I am, the one not in pain, being in a bad mood and sometimes uncontrollably lashing out.

I find myself envious of people who get to live normal lives. I find myself wondering, “why him?”, “why us?”, “what would our life be like if it wasn’t for this?”. While I do my best to turn it over to the lord, it all seems so unfair. It has been going on for so long with no answers and no solution. For those who know my boyfriend, know that he is the most caring, selfless, and genuine person (as well as private and to himself, not putting his issues on others which may make him hate me for posting this). He deserves an amazing life full of happiness and doing what he loves and that is far from the cards he’s been dealt.

I’m not writing this looking for attention or sympathy (although thoughts and prayers are always appreciated). I am writing this to show you that you truly never know what someone is going through and how hard just getting through the day may be.

Hold your loved ones close and be appreciative of their health and all the little things you’re able to do. Spend more time cuddling, go on more walks, dance in the kitchen, and give all the piggy backs and bear hugs. Be kind. Be understanding. Remember not all illnesses are visible and not all illnesses are temporary.

P.S. If you made it this far, please also understand this is my midnight rant and I’ll probably regret posting this. 😂😅 I typically don’t share the intimate details of my personal life and problems on social media. My boyfriend is 150% not looking for special attention nor tells everyone this. I also am sure this is full of grammatical and punctual mistakes, so please disregard.

TLDR: Living in this situation is overwhelming and hard. You lose many things big and small that others take for granted and you never know what someone is going through so be kind.

Credit goes to a Facebook friend I’ve known for years as I didn’t input anything to this but can 100% relate.


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