Originally posted 2020-05-06 09:00:18.
You know those songs that you absolutely love? The ones that bring back so many memories of your past? Yeah, those.
I love music! Always have. I have loved to listen to it and to sing it.
I feel the music not just listen to it.
You know those songs that you can feel every word, every beat.
Well… I also have a love/hate relationship with those same songs.
They bring back memories of when my abuser, kids bio father woo’d me.
Those times when I thought he’d changed. Those times where he wasn’t the montser.
He’d dance with me and make me feel wonderful even for a moment.
I have a hard time listening to those same songs today.
The moment I hear one of them I get a visual screenshot in my head of a memory when he would “woo” me.
I love my music but some days, some songs are just hard to get the feeling they once gave me.
The feelings come rushing back to me. The good and the bad.
The feelings of not knowing what he would do next.
Knowing that the wooing was only temporary and that I needed to stand guard because that switch would flip I just didn’t know when. In my heart I would yearn for that never to happen again but my mind would always tell me something different.
If you have ever felt what I described you know exactly what I mean.
We are creatures of emotion and music can add an entirely different level of emotion.
One of these days, just maybe I can enjoy those songs again. Enjoy them like I did in years past.
Enjoy them without the emotional flashbacks that come on like lightning during a summertime thunderstorm.