In my thoughts

Originally posted 2019-07-04 09:06:45.

You know I have been thinking alot more since the passing of my mother, June 21 2018. I miss her so much. My son, Dusty, talks about her ALOT. It is hard to hear him talk about her. I mean it is good thoughts but it is painful to hear.

With me trying to heal and deal with life without her… it feels like scab being ripped from your skin. One that just won’t heal. I know he means no harm by it but it is painful.

I guess the way I am trying to deal with it is by not talking about it. I haven’t been back to her house since she passed.

One thing I want to talk about and get it off my chest I can’t. I don’t know if that person even reads my blog. I doubt it but out of respect for privacy I haven’t talked about it. I have so much pain and anger towards said person yet I am still respecting that person’s privacy.

I mean honestly I shouldn’t give a shit but I know my momma would tell me not to.

We lost more than just my momma. We our connection to my step father and his family. Some have chosen to move on not long after her passing and to see this …well it just doesn’t seem right.

I wish I could talk to my momma, ask her questions, tell her I love her and for her reply to ”Love you, mean it”

I was supposed to give half of my momma’s ashes back but I don’t want her resting place to be what it is now.

How on earth do I get my mom’s belongings? I don’t want my mom’s stuff to be sold to some at a yard sale, thrift store or even donated. She has things that were passed down from her momma and daddy, grandparents, etc. I want them to stay in my family.

She was such a beautiful person. My husband says she was an angel.

We always thought my bio father couldn’t get over her and that is why he sought out women whose name was Ann. My momma’s middle name was Ann. My bio father married another women whose name was Ann. Then the “so called girlfriend’s name was also Ann.

I just can’t deal with what is going on. My momma deserved better than this.

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