Can’t sleep

I can’t sleep.

I’m actually scared to go to sleep.

I took Chewy to get an ultrasound today.

They think he has cancer.

The report comes back as early as tomorrow.

I pray to the Lord above that it’s not.

To hear that word again I literally had a flashback from the last time my momma was told she had cancer again.

I literally had that same feelings.

Chewy synced to me.

He follows me everywhere.

He is more like my emotional support dog. As well as I am his emotional support human aka mom.

Now all I can think about is having to make that decision. 😩

So now I  just laying here watching him sleep on his bed next to me.

I tried to just take pictures of him and he wasn’t feeling it.

I gave him his meds to hopefully help him with any pain he has.

I gave him a little of his cbd too.

They shaved him in order to get a good “connection” for the ultrasound
They cut his claws, cleaned his ears and expressed his anal glands while under anesthesia.
The meds they gave me to help him eat seem to work but just a little but definitely progress. Wondering if it’s because he’s in pain.

But one thing I will say is I am ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY tired of CANCER!

It is growing like weeds in my family.

I can’t lose my Chewy right now.                    He’s just 9 years old!

I love this dog with all my heart, body, and soul. I will be even more lost without him!

I know we all aren’t promised eternity.         Nor are dogs promised a longer lifespan but they sure as fuck deserve more than this!

My heart is broken … 💔

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