And I can’t ask Why me?

Originally posted 2014-06-30 01:51:25.

You know that age old saying, don’t ask why me? Well at least that is what I believed …that was something you just didn’t do. Even if you went through a crap ton of stuff you just didn’t ask why me. I don’t know about you but sometimes I sit back in my head (somewhere in that mass of echoing space that I call my mind) and still wonder why it is I didn’t ask that question.

This week has been one of those that just seemed to not stop. First of course my mother had a surgery on Tuesday, then mine the next day. She gets home and resting and recovering the same day. Me..I had mine came home the same day, resting and recovering …six incisions later that is. Uhhh. I mean I have had 21, yes, twenty-one surgeries to date and they really get no easier. This one man o man o man…I can’t believe as ”minimally invasive” as some of these surgeries are supposed to be I really wonder who the hell these surgeons and doctors think they are fooling…I mean…the pain is no less than I could imagine. Hell…on top of that…by body, my insides did not want to cooperate at all. I mean surgery can take a lot of your body and your insides kind of go into fuck you mode….did I just say that? what I mean was your insides look at you and said, fuck you, well at least mine does. How can you do this to me? You expect me to function normally but you give me all these drugs and then just expect me to jump back into the game mode without losing a beat, ha ha.

I think I am delirious.

To make matters just a bit better…my son has a grand mal (tonic-clonic) seizure while on the last day of Camp Shriver. He flew back and hit his head on a bench. Nice knot on his head. Thank God there were trained, tried and true people there that work like a well oiled machine and handled business. In my daughters 18 yrs she has never witnessed him having one of those seizures. Well that she can actually remember. He has had them before but not very often. She hasn’t had to deal with the bigger ones like that with him so she was a bit freaked out by it. The thing is when he usually has those he has been sick with something. Some of those times have been salmonella and meningitis…just to name a few. I will definitely be calling his doctors in the morning to update them.

We had just taken him off of one of his medications, not for seizures, and started another. I am not sure if this medication is to blame or what. We will just have to see. But I do know they will end up doing a rather lengthy EEG test. This one only lasted two minutes but those two minutes can mean a crap ton for someone having a seizure.

Now.. as the day goes on I get word that my mother goes into surgery again. Her arteries had blockages and she also had one of the main aorta’s in her stomach ( If I remember correctly) that was 100% blocked. She needed surgery asap to get that blood flowing. It wasn’t flowing to her legs or feet, through her groin, nothing. They re-routed a tube going through there and down her legs. Now she has been back in surgery since then because of so much pressure going through them and her legs just can’t seem to take the pressure. (If my mother ever reads this she will probably fuss me out for speaking on this but oh well, if she is able to fuss at me she is still alive and I can take it, I love you mom) Right now we are playing the waiting game to just see if all this works. I am praying, praying that she makes it. For God sake’s she is a little more than a year out from going through colorectal cancer. Now this…

Then during the weekend I get a phone call from someone in Canada claiming to be a friend of my bio father’s. He stated he was worried about him and that he supposedly hadn’t eaten in some 5 days and was weak. He asked him to go see a doctor and wouldn’t do it. So he calls me. Why me? Who knows. I call him at the hotel he is currently residing in. He answers and did seem to be sleeping. The friend did tell me that all he has really done the past 5 days in sleep. I spoke to him a few minutes and asked about him going to see a doctor. He told me that he had seen a doctor about two weeks ago via an ambulance ride. He started fussing about the cost of the ambulance ride…all I could do was listen. When he starts ranting and raving about something you just have to wait- or hang up. I figured I would be nice and just listen. His reasoning for not going to see a doctor was the cost that day. I mean he has the funds to see the doctor he just doesn’t want to spend it. Guess that is why he has the money.

Oh well. Can’t change him. I just feared I would end up getting a call from someone telling me that he hasn’t responded to any calls or anyone at the door and someone finally was able to go in the room and he had died at some point. I am not sure how I will feel about it at that point considering the non-exist father/daughter relationship we had and still have. My husband tells me I will be upset…just how much is the question. I mean I don’t know how I would feel. I just don’t want to be the one that has to deal with the final business dealings of his. He has a way to trying to control what you do even if it would be from the grave…all because of money. A dog to a bone…I just can’t comply.

So that is how my week has been. I hope yours has been enjoyable. At this point the three of us have some healing to do and still have a ways to go but with faith and prayer, family and just the fight that my mother and I have…I know we will get through this. We have been through hell and high water and back again and to bow out to this …NOT.

Love your family and friends while you can, your next conversation may be your last.
How would you want that to be?

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