Looking in All Directions

Originally posted 2020-10-02 09:16:53.

You know as we age, have children, see them grow, make mistakes, and have a life of their own… I often look back with a sense of guilt.

Guilt, wondering if I had done just one thing different what would that have done to make their lives a little better.

If I had just taken that “left turn at Albuquerque” as Bugs Bunny would say would they be better off.

But then I say if I did then they may not even be here.

Then how would my life be without the joy of raising my two beautifully wonderful children. One, off on her own, doing her own thing. About to have a child of her own. About to see what motherhood is all about. She’s about to see why I was the way I was, to extent.

I pray to the heavens above she never has to go through what I went through. My husband even makes promises that will never happen.

She is a smart woman.

Smarter than I actually.

As we are on the last leg of her pregnancy, 34 going on 35 weeks… I have all these unanswered questions, what if’s. If only this or if only that.

I so wish my momma was here to see all of this. She couldn’t wait for her to have a child. My daughter couldn’t wait to give her a great grandbaby either. I’m just glad she didn’t rush it.

I know we can’t go back and repave those roads we were on but I just wish certain things would have been different. I guess we all have those kind of feelings at some point in our lives. We have regrets we wish we didn’t do this or that.

I am so excited to see my first grandchild enter this world.

My momma was with me at the birth of my son. She witnessed the glorious birth of my son. She wasn’t physically there for my daughter’s birth as she had my son. I had hospital staff by my side.

So in a sense my momma was there.

Just like now my momma will be there for this birth.

My daughter has already asked me if I wanted to be there for this and I of course said yes. Hopefully this Covid crap won’t mess this up. They had said one or two people can be there. I know her boyfriend is going to be there. Which I am definitely grateful for, that she has a man who is there for this.

But my grandma’s baby bag is still in the works… now what it consists of is the issue. Or is there such a thing? Grandma’s Baby Bag that is… 😉

Her due date is November 15th. It’s funny because my daughter’s birthday, as well as my biological father’s birthday is November 24th. My husband’s birthday is November 6th.

We have laughed at the possibility that the baby is born on my husband’s birthday like my daughter was born on my dad’s birthday. 🤣

That would actually be pretty awesome.

My husband is so excited to have his first grandchild.

He may be more excited than I am if that’s possible.

My husband all day!!!

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