The truth can be hard to see


Originally posted May 27 2014

Well it has been almost 2 weeks since my last post. I have been having an enormous amount of discomfort from whatever is going on inside of me. Today I go for an ultrasound. Thank goodness someone finally ordered something I needed. I have just been beyond ready to find out the problem.
On the other hand ignorance may be bliss because if it is something that is a very complicated fix then I am not sure I want to even know. But I need to know what it is and how to fix it. I am extremely grateful for one specific doctor of mine who has stuck her neck out for me, above and beyond her call of duty. I won’t name names but she knows who she is.

Now, onto a different subject. So, I get another call from my biological father. Who proceeds to tell me that my aunt read my blog and was allegedly upset because I somehow made that side of the family look like monsters. One thing I have to say about that is she is the one person along with one other who never showed me prejudice after I started dating out of my race and had my children. My aunt sent handmade cards for years before my kids and continued after I had them and included them in the card. Whether she felt what I chose to do was wrong or right she didn’t show us any reason to believe anything different. As I told my bio father I have much respect for her. My father started to say I was speaking about his mother and father with malicious intent. I told him anything I have posted in this blog is my truth, my events, my opinions and the truth as I see and know it. My grandparents disowned me when they found out about me and my children. That truth may hurt but it is what it is…the truth. When grandma passed away did anyone include me in anything…no. But I am fine with that. She had a right to her own opinions. I am not mad at that. Now the fact that they are my own flesh and blood does hurt. But I have moved on from all of that.

Then you start speaking about something that I have no clue what the hell you are talking about. You are upset with me over something I supposedly said/did when I a KID?! Really?! You are the more mature person here …at least by age yet you are going to throw something in my face I have no recollection of and decide to be upset with me because of it. That is absurd.

Again, do not bash my mother. She did what she did and obviously you had given her reasons to do so. Just as I told you there are reasons why my children’s biological father isn’t in the picture. My children have a father and as I said it is my husband. That is who they know and who has been there for them. They call him DAD for a reason. But do not bash my mother. I will say this again, do not bash my mother. She has done more for me and my children than you could even imagine. You claim to say that I somehow hurt your feelings when you once came looking for me and found me with the children’s bio father and family. I told you…you were not capable of ”rescuing” me from all of that. I no more wanted to leave with you than I wanted to stay there. Besides…He would not have let me leave with you. You were definitely not a threat in his eyes. So don’t pity yourself. That super dad shirt didn’t come in your size then, and that isn’t referring to your shirt size. I told you if my brother could hear you bashing his mother he would do his best to let you know he didn’t like that.

Let this be known, I have not identified anyone but the people within my household and who I have been given permission to identify. If you find this and read this I am 100% ok with that because I have nothing on my blog that I wouldn’t want you to see or read. I am not going to apologize for speaking the truth. For letting myself release some of the pinned up pain and anger that I have kept bottled up for years. This blog isn’t for your benefit. It is for myself and anyone who finds it helpful to read or share. Sometimes looking at the truth isn’t always easy. But you have to forgive yourself and move on. If you feel like you want to help there is a donate button on my site. I asked you before to help with our daughters tuition but you felt I don’t do enough to contribute to my own household so you said no. Which I am ok with your opinion. I asked you to look up just some of my sons diagnosis but you didn’t. Just try to get a glimpse into my world and understand why I have not held down a 9 to 5 job. Dealing with my own medical issues and my sons. You have no clue.

Originally posted 2014-05-27 14:15:09.

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