Since my momma’s passing some things have come to my eyes that I may have not seen before. I am truly struggling with these and have honestly only told my husband and my daughter. 

I know people deserve their lives the way they choose to live, happy, healthy or destructive. No matter what that is someone’s personal choice. 

But I am having a hard time understanding one’s intentions after losing someone so close for so many years and to move on so quickly I just do not understand. 

For God’s sake it’s been a little over 3 months since she passed. 

The hate, resentment and betrayal I feel is troubling. The one person I would normally speak to about this isn’t here and I honestly do not know what she would tell me. 

I am not the only one that feels this way. Maybe it’s because we are on the other side of this, I don’t know. I am struggling with confessing my feelings.

I do not understand. I don’t know how to deal with this on top of dealing with my own grieving process and the clean up and aftermath of hurricane florence. 

I lost my passion for even wanting to mess with my garden. After the hurricane I just told my husband to throw some of the bigger pots of my flowers away, except the calla lilies I planted for my momma. 

I just do not care to even mess with it. Someone please help me with this. I honestly feel lost.