Grieving while being the mother and caregiver to someone with autism is hard as hell. Dusty watches me 24/7.

He sees me crying, mad, frustrated, etc I can’t escape. All the while trying to repair hurricane florence damage.

I have been going to my local massage envy every few weeks for a deep tissue massage. It has helped tremendously from a physical standpoint but not really helped mentally. I need an escape.

I would just love to go for a ride on the harley with my husband if he could ever get that back on the road. My momma was my respite (if that makes sense).

She kept pushing me and James to just drop Dusty off and take off to the mountains for a few. Oh how I wish I could right now.

I know this may be minuscule to some but a lot to others. We all have our own individual struggles. But losing a loved one so close to your heart is hard to live and do your daily routines when you see or hear things that constantly remind you of your loved ones.

We should start the repairs of the 2 interior/exterior walls, 3 windows and a door next week. We have been trying to move everything out of the way so they will be able to move in and out freely.

Did I mention my husband took Charlie’s bandanna and hooked it to his work bag? He said ”she’s with me all the time.”

Having the new puppy kind of keeps me occupied not that Dusty or the everyday things don’t.

I see people complain about some of the stupidest crap and all the while taking so much for granted. I know I was once young and dumb but some of these folks aren’t young they are borderline dumb, lol.

My daughter came down for Easter. It was really good to see her. I haven’t been back to my mom’s house since she passed away. I am just not ready for that. Not really sure I will ever be.

I really need to get “me” back. I feel like I am someone else most of the time.

I could really use a friend. Not that my husband isn’t there for me but my best friend is in the middle of the country far away from me and she has her own life, 4 kids, and a husband too.

The things I once were so interested in I barely touch.

I need help but don’t know where to start.

The roses are dead and I need a shower…