From then to now

My life has been moving so slow it seemed the past week or so. Yet no time for things that needed that extra attention. My husband had slowed to an almost halt and trying to motivate him is beyond frustrating. He has no idea some of the things I say or do are to try to motivate him. He has kind of just gotten into this slump. He comes home talking about certain people he works with who are causing so much turmoil with everyone. I can’t say I blame him. The guy seems to think he can do whatever to whomever he wants to because essentially his boss is several states away. So anyone under him here has to take his shit. It will be a matter of time before someone can see exactly what this man is doing. He is killing morale with the people who make him look good.
My husband works hard and I don’t take him for granted by any means. We haven’t had the perfect marriage but I am thankful for the lessons learned by us both.

One thing I wanted to add is just how much I think he resembles his father. I never had the opportunity nor the pleasure of meeting him. I think he would be proud of his oldest son and the man he has become. It takes someone special to raise another man/woman’s child(ren) like their own.

james and I

I think I’ve told this part of the story before so forgive me if I have. My kids and I got back to North Carolina in 2006. My step father flew out to Las Vegas to meet me and the kids to then drive us back to NC.
With my spinal issues driving that distance wasn’t the best thing to do without a spare driver. After driving an hour or so my legs start to tingle and start to feel the numbing and the longer I drive the numbing sensation worsens. I would re-adjust myself as much as possible while driving but as most of us know when you are driving a rather long distance just getting there is the number one priority. We started out in Northern California and my mother told me to stop in Bakersfield or somewhere in between and spend the night in a hotel room so the kids and I could get some rest. Well against her wishes I did the opposite. I drove all the way through from Northern California to Las Vegas Nevada, non-stop (well aside from fuel, bathroom, and food). Both of my kids ended up sleeping in the floor board of the my Pontiac Grand Am because any available room was for our belongings. I had to leave some things (more than some but less than a lot) where we moved from due to lack of room in the car.

I drove into Vegas on December 31, 2005. Were were able to watch the New Years Eve celebratory fireworks show they normally do on the Vegas strip with the exception of the Wynn casino who didn’t seem to join in the festivities. Maybe it was because he was fairly new, not sure. But the rest of the casinos had the sky lit up! We went into one of the off-the-strip motels for a little rest until morning when I could meet up with my step father. I thought he was in one motel but he was in another. We parked in the parking lot and there we slept. One in the floorboard, the other in the passenger seat. Thank goodness they were still fairly young. Hell Kayla and I are both taller than my mother.

We met up with my step father that morning, got breakfast and then headed to the U-Haul rental center. I still had a storage locker in Las Vegas from when I left Vegas going to Cali. Our intentions were to rent a U-Haul and car dolly but after getting the costs of the U-Haul, dolly, taxes, estimated fuel costs, etc it was about the same price as just paying a moving company to do it all for us, minus the car dolly. I don’t remember why we chose Oasis moving but that’s who we hired. Had I known how they would be I sure as hell would’ve chosen someone else. By the time I got my belongings there were items missing/stolen, damaged items, and the company had nerve to try to act as if they weren’t liable. One of my kitchen chairs was bent. My stereo receiver and speakers were missing. My mattress had been damaged. That was a good orthopedic mattress too. A couple purchased the mattress for me after my spinal fusion because I could no longer sleep on the mattress I had. I don’t remember how I met this couple or how they even knew about me but I thanked them repeatedly. The surgeon was worried about my recovery with the mattress I had previously been sleeping on. Let’s face it, a good orthopedic mattress isn’t cheap by any means. That spinal surgery hurt like hell during recovery because not only did they open me from my back they also entered via my abdomen.

So, as you have been reading me say something in regards to my low-grade fevers..well I had pretty much exhausted almost all avenues via my gastroenterologist. It was at that point where he suggested we seek another specialist. A referral was made and only had to wait like 2 weeks. This doctor was a gynecologist. With all test results in hand, portion of past gyn records and disc to MRI I go to the appointment yesterday. I did you normal thing as many of us woman just absolutely “love” those exams (hence my sarcasm). Only pain I felt from his jabbing happened to be on my ovaries. Then he proceeds to ask me if I am sexually active, well I said “every now and again”, he replied, “is it painful?” I thought to myself well if you mean like you were just jabbing my ovaries, No. I mean damn, if that were to happen then I would really need to sit and have a conversation with my husband. I admittedly said, well they’ve hurt for 20 years. Which is true, I’ve just gotten used to it. What else can I do? I am not about to deny myself the pleasures of the human touch and the love between my husband and myself. Don’t get me wrong, I am just one is those people who kind of well…try and ignore the pain. I love my husband. He wouldn’t dare continue if he knew he was hurting me. Anyway, the story doesn’t end at this doctor. He can’t figure it out and part of my problems are from a previous surgery (which I can’t speak of at the present time). The doctor said I would like need to be refer to Duke University medical center in Durham, NC. Fortunately, I am familiar with this hospital even though we haven’t had to see them as frequent as in years past. The only discouraging thing about this was the pact he stated I may very well be a “complex case for them too”. Not really what I wanted to hear but what else can I really do about it? That’s right, NOTHING. Not a thing but pray and just keep smiling.

I have to wait for them to call me with the information, appointment, ect. In the meantime I will just do as I have been doing.


There are those days I just want to crawl under a rock and stay there for an eternity. I would ask, Why me? But on the other hand, Why not me? Life is like a kite at times, flying high up in the sky, flowing in the breeze to get caught in a gust of wind and comes crashing down to catching that little bit of air to fly it back high once again. As beautiful as it may seem it is all one persons perception on just how they look at their own life.

Originally posted 2015-06-17 18:24:50.

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