I have only been addicted to one thing in my life (other than my husband), cigarettes. After the last time I was raped in 98′ or 99 (I forget what year it was) someone gave me a cigarette and that was it from there. I had started smoking. Growing up I was always the one against smoking. Always trying to get others around me to stop, especially my mother. I needed a crutch and just so happened it was tobacco. I have never been one to drink like most of my family. For some reason that gene just skipped me. I am Irish and what else are the Irish known for but for being the drinker? Well not me. I am what they call a ”cheap date” or if you asked my husband it may be something else, ha ha. But I am ok with that. I like the ”natural high” God gave. Now that doesn’t mean I never drink, it just means when I do drink it usually isn’t much at all. On top of that if it is a mixed drink I don’t like to smell the alcohol. If the smell is overwhelming I won’t drink it. Call me a wuss…

Now I have tried over the years to quit smoking and just never succeeded in doing so. I met my husband and I hid the fact that I smoked for a couple of months. How I did that I don’t know. I mean a non-smoker can smell cigarette smoke unlike a smoker who tends to not smell it at all. We were headed to my parents house and my purse fell and there went the cigarettes. He tells me that if he had known that I smoked he would not have went out with me. Good thing for me cause without his liking it became a deterrent in our household. Not that I could blame him at all. I mean for anyone who has ever smoked and quit you tend to notice that strong smell and it doesn’t smell like roses. I try to steer clear of it. I finally quit smoking in April 2010. I had gone through a smoking cessation class on base that they offered and after the class you were able to get a prescription to aid. I started taking Chantix. You could smoke for the first week while taking the meds. Now it wasn’t a magic pill that just shut off your cravings for the nicotine. It did need some on your part it just made it easier to deal with. I know there are people who have been able to quit cold turkey, using nicotine gum or patches but for me the Chantix worked. I smoked for about 12 years before quitting.

During those 12 years I would constantly get colds or be congested. It made it harder for me to heal after surgeries or just getting a cold. It was a habit I am glad I was able to quit.

Now, do you recall my last few posts where I spoke about my mother having to have multiple surgeries? She smoked for years and the surgeries were needed to save her life because the smoking had just damaged her arteries and veins so much that for her it was a life or death situation. The doctor/surgeon told her that if she smoked after all the work he did it could kill her. She almost had to have her leg amputated and had to have stents put in her in different places. They also had to bypass some areas to get blood circulating to her legs otherwise she would have lost it. So technically she quit as of June 26 2014. She stayed in the hospital and was drugged up so much during her stay I think that made it easier for her to deal with the withdrawals. She also took Chantix and so far so good. I guess it doesn’t hurt that my daughter is there with her too and she sure as hell would tell her grandmother NO. At least for that if nothing else. So the fact that Kayla is there helping my mother recover, plus the nurses that show up, therapists I think my mom will be able to stay away from them for good.

It is funny how the rest of my family has had some sort of addiction. Even though on my mother’s side of the family it was only my grandmother and grandfather. My bio father’s side the only person that I know of that didn’t have an addiction was my aunt. She was different from the rest of them. She didn’t have the same greed of money that my father had. I can remember my paternal grandfather hiding vodka and always trying to get a drink behind my grandmothers back. I didn’t understand it then but I can see the damage alcohol and other drugs can cause. Not all alcohol is bad if done in moderation. I mean think about it…they used alcohol for medicine back in the old days just like they did with other ”herbal remedies”. Of course there are drugs that just aren’t meant for human consumption but you can’t tell people who get them to leave those drugs alone.

I lost my brother to the drug battle. He had battled drugs since he was about 14 or 15 years old. He grew up with my bio father. I grew up with my mother. Even though he did come back and forth at times. Before his death he was addicted to heroin. He had gone to a methadone clinic to get help the day he died but was turned away because he didn’t have any active heroin in his system. His best friend drove him home and my brother had said he just wanted to lay down. He never made it to the door on his back porch. My sister-in-law found him about 5-6 hours later with their dog on top of him. My mother wouldn’t let me see him because she didn’t want me to remember him that way.

Chris 88 (think before graduation)

chris grilling

Christmas 1982 (morehead city)

I have only used those ”herbal remedies” a few times in my life. One of those times I regret to this day. I went with a friend, who to this day is still a friend, to some high school classmates home. Of course their parents were not at home. Well one thing led to another after using the ”herb” and I lost my virginity. So not all good came out of getting high. That wasn’t the way I wanted to lose that. Then to make matters worse we ended up going to the local mall and well let’s just say I went in with pink shorts on and came out another. I won’t gross you all out but I am sure most of you can figure it out.

To this day I still haven’t really had a yearning to use that ”herb” either. Like I said I am pretty good with the natural high I was born with. Not to mention since Dusty has so many seizures I have to be alert. At least most of the time that is. If there is someone else here I still have an open ear to him. I just can’t shut that off and relax. Then the fact that he is autistic is a whole different ball game. Now I have considered the medicinal herb to help him but have to do more research.

Just wanted to add that I love my mother even if she gets mad at me for using her leg on my blog. Just so glad she is still here even with (as Kayla said) zippers on the sides of her leg.

Many Blessings and remember to smile!


Originally posted 2014-07-23 18:00:12.

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